Like many young Christians in the midwest, I had grown up in a good christian family. Every Sunday we went to church, many times both Sunday morning and Sunday night, I attended youth group, and even for a time attended a small Bible study at the home of some adult friends of mine. In those days God was an ever present and very important part of my life, I hungered for more and more of God, and the more my spirit was fed the more I grew. But as time would tell I was ill prepared for the transition ahead.
It was in the fall of 2000 that I left the familiar life of home, for the grand adventure and independence of college life. Looking back I had a very unrealistic view of what my new life would bring. Having never been even remotely popular with the ladies, I had handled my hurt and frustration by mistakingly believing that college would be different. I believed that upon arriving at the college, God would point out to me the girl who was to be my wife, it would of course be love at first site, and having fallen hopelessly in love with each other we would be married and “live happily ever after”. On top of this I also believed that once the relationship issue had been resolved God would reveal to me exactly what it was that I was to be doing, and my new wife and I could begin our new life together serving God. And I am sure, to your great surprise, all did not go as I had envisioned.
In fact I soon realized that nothing had in fact changed and that I was just as unpopular in college as I had been in high school. Actually to say I was unpopular would not be entirely honest, everyone knew me, everyone loved to wave at me when they saw me, but nobody wanted to date me, or even hang out with me, it was a popularity which almost hurt more than if I had been completely ignored or even hated. And to make matters worse no longer having all those around me feeding me the things of God, I had begun to drift away from God. Don’t get me wrong I still loved Him, I still prayed (sometimes), I wasn’t turning my back on God on purpose. But having been surrounded by God and people who loved Him all my life, I had never discovered how to feed myself spiritually. And just like our physical bodies, our spirit if not fed will grow weak and eventually die.
And so as the weeks and months passed by, I grew weak. I found myself sinking deeper into the darkness, wrestling with a sorrow I could not comprehend. I watched as parts of me died, I quit going to church, it unfortunately had become just another sad reminder that no one wanted to spend time with me. My classes suffered as I no longer cared whether or not I did my homework, I gave a minimal effort, which to my credit still gave me mostly B’s. I shut myself off more and more from the outside world, spending more and more time on the internet, or watching Tv in the dark, late at night when nothing the least bit worthwhile was on. If not for writing and poetry I’m not sure I would have made it thru that dark and lonely time of my life as well as I did, it became the relief valve through which the pressures of life were released. All my hurt and pain, my heart ache and anguish poured out upon the page, saving my very soul from drowning amidst the flood of un-cried tears. The years since then have been a long and grueling journey, and no matter how much time passes I shall always bare the scars of those dark and terrible days. For me it was the valley of the shadow of death, but by the grace of God I came through it, stronger and smarter, with lessons earned in sweat and blood.
It is one of these lessons which brings me back to the title of this article. The lesson is this, “You must learn to feed yourself.” This is one area I feel the Church has failed its youth. There are many churches which provide great environments for there youth, great lessons, great games, great music. But what they fail to do is provide them with the skills necessary to feed themselves. I believe much of this problem comes from a naive belief by many churches that the youth will simply transition into adulthood and become men of God, men of the church. But what we forget is that throughout their lives they have been presented with lessons geared to their age group, to what they are going through. They’ve had their lessons broken down and fed to them in little bites. Their youth paster reads to them from scripture, and tells them what it means, what they should do about it. Which is great, youth need to be inspired and guided and encouraged, but what happens when that youth goes off to college? What happens when they know they should read the Bible, but they don’t know where to start, and if they read they don’t understand what it’s trying to say? Sooner than later they are going quit reading it- why? Because if there is one thing college brings into the life of a new student it’s things to do, there are always things going on on a college campus, there are friends to hang out with, sporting events to attend, campus groups vying for your time, there are a million distractions in the life of a college student. I know, I’ve been one.
So to all the churches, youth leaders, and parents who read this: teach your youth how to feed themselves. To all the youth preparing for college, and all those now dealing with the schedules and distractions and peer-pressure: find someone to help you learn. And if you can’t find someone, then pray and keep reading, keep trying to feed yourself. God will bring you guidance. And finally, keep the faith, for no matter how dark the world may seem, God is still with you.
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